Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
