is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
