The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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