i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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