evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
