theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
