how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
