It's Friday. Sex?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
