You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
