Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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