how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
