I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
