hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
