I wish I could teleport
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
