Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize