i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
