There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
