That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize