He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
you never un-have a 4some
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
