I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
