"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Randomize
