Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize