Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just pee around me
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
