I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
