Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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