I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
