ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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