You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
