She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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