Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
