when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
