capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
