He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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