Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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