Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
