and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Send help, water and tortillas.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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