Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
