So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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