its not stalking. its research.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
