Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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