i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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