I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
