its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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