Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
