Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Panties = found
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize