Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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