Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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