i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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