Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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