i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
