At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
