Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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