Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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