I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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