Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
