I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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