ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
