plz talk dirty to me
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
