Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
