Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
