How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
