i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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