It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize