You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
