Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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