this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
