i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
