it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
