i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
My dad is sitting where you rode me
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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